Last Saturday can only be labeled as "the day of the breakdown." I had just come from two long, awesome days at a conference and woke up Saturday on the wrong side of the bed. I cried, bawled, and threatened to stay in bed all day. It was horrible and it was mainly because of this sinking feeling that I couldn't do it (it was mainly referring to pursing working for myself.) The only analogy I can give is that of a cartoon baby bird being tossed out of the nest for the first time, flapping wings as fast as possible, wondering if it was too late to go back to the nest. I was a hot mess.
While I'm not exactly sure where this breakdown came from, I can say that a good majority spawned from comparing myself to others. I love conferences but when you chat for hours with all these awesome people, it's hard not to feel behind, out of place, or in general, not good enough.
Luckily, this isn't a pity party (because it really shouldn't be, I was being ridiculous) and I have a majorly awesome husband who knows the right time to tell me to get over myself and remember the article we JUST read (this one, which I have mixed feelings about because for the most part I am a very happy person. Just not this day.)
So anyway, I didn't stay in bed all day (trust me, it was tempting) and I started meditating on what kinds of things I could do to keep myself moving forward. In the past week I've made four recipes and zero have made it past the photo editing phase. For better lack of words, they all sucked. The flavor was "meh" and the photos felt forced and rather ugly. I had effectively put myself in a temporary creative box which I think also led to said breakdown.
But what I'm realizing from all of this is that I will only ever be as good as the standards I set for myself and while I set high standards, I try and not set unobtainable ones. It's when I lower my standards and am okay with sub-par work that I start to panic (those recipes nearly made it on to the site). This sandwich is my attempt at stepping out of the temporary creative box and into a new space of exploration, pushing myself creatively. Yes I know, to you it's just a sandwich but to me, well, it's just still just a sandwich but it's the step towards putting my head down and just working hard.
This chickpea salad sandwich is adapted from Food and Wine. The original recipe is chicken salad that I've made for M a few times and decided I wanted to take it veg. Gorgonzola, goat cheese, or any other type of soft cheese would work well in this recipe. I've also been known to sub in pecans for the sunflower seeds.
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* When I use greek yogurt, I tend to add a teaspoon or two of honey to cut the tang down just a bit.
I like the tip about adding the honey to bring down the tang of the yogurt! I'll have to try that. Thanks for sharing!
Ill never forget when you posted the quote from Ira Glass. I have that on my wall, I read it when I have creative mental i-dont-know-what-I-am-doing-life-is-horrible-i-cant-function-moments. Hang in there...have a cookie
Wow, this looks amazing!! I've always liked the idea of a "salad sandwich" but being a vegetarian (and hating eggs) makes it difficult to realize this concept. I will definitely be making this very soon! (I also made your burst tomatoes and farro recipe, which was delicious, so yours is quickly becoming my favorite food blog!)
This is perfect! One of my best friends lives in Barcelona and she's not much of a meat eater. She does, however, LOVE chickpeas. I think this would be such a nice change for her. Thank you for this... sharing it right now!
Absolutely perfect sandwich. Love it.
I definitely go through periods when i come home from conferences of comparing myself to others...and it's really stupid and really sucks. I'm sorry you had to go through that! But, FYI. You are awesome.
How horribly familiar such a crisis is to me! Those short but fierce attacks of tears, desperation and wallowing. Not so much after conferences though, nor in the morning. But at the end of the day, and when I still don't know what to do with my life at 28. You are already so much braver for having created this space! I've learned a lot from you. My boyfriend, by the way, is véry happy with your blog too. 😉 Anyway, off to make a sandwich for lunch!
I am totally in love with this combination. I'm sorry you had to go through that little storm to get to this sandwich, but I'm sure glad you made it. If only I had blue cheese I'd be making it today! I guess I"ll have to wait until my next trip to the grocery store.
I totally hear you on the work thing. I go through phases (and in fact, am in the midst of one now) when I question whether or not I can truly pull this whole "working for myself" thing off. It is big and scary and can be difficult to know where to start. But I think we are rock stars for doing it. As my husband pointed out, when most people go to work, they have set projects or tasks that they need to complete. But those of us who work at home? We have to find those projects ourselves, and set the tasks and schedule, and self-motivate. So high five to us for pursuing the work we love!
I like the tang of yoghurt because I find blue cheese a bit rich when I eat it raw/uncooked. However this is such a lovely sandwich combo; fancy without being pretentious.
I love this idea of a salad! As a vegetarian I kinda miss those lunchy type salads - but this is the perfect replacement!!! I will definitely be making this for lunches this weekend!
I've made smashed chickpea sandwiches but not in this delicious dressed up way. I love everything about this - totally my kinda sandwich. And don't be so hard on yourself - you're amazing!
The idea of smashing checkpeas to approximate chicken salad blew my mind in the best way-- I can't wait to try this! Your work is incredible and never ceases to amaze me. I can't wait to follow along on this next phase for you 🙂
Erin, your blog is my favorite - the images are beautiful and simple, everything is easy to read, the recipes look wonderful, the tips are helpful...
Your hard work is paying off - keep on keeping on.
I'll be trying this sandwich soon - looks yummy : ]
Made this, and it's awesome. Love the cider vinegar and blue cheese. A+!
Just when I think "this is the recipe i wont like..." Your recipe bitch slaps me back into reality, reality being that everything you make is perfection. I told you a few months ago that everything I make is from your site. Im proud to say that my husband has been a full blown vegetarian now for 3 months thanks to your deliciousness. Please keep blogging forever! We love you and your meals 🙂
There used to be this really great place in Boston called The Otherside. They were forced to close about 2 years ago because the landlord wanted a higher profile tenant. I won't even start my little rant about that... The point is, they had this great mock chicken salad, and I haven't been able to find anything like it....until now. I made up a batch of this for lunch, adding a little buffalo sauce because the blue cheese was just asking for it (and because I'm a total addict!), it was amazing. Thank you!
There used to be this really great place in Boston called The OTHERside. They were forced to close a little over a year ago because the landlord wanted a higher profile tenant. I won't even start my little rant about that... The point is, they had this great mock chicken salad, and I haven't been able to find anything like it since....until now. I made up a batch of this for lunch, adding a little buffalo sauce because the blue cheese was just asking for it (and because I'm a total addict!), it was amazing. So, thank you!
This looks amazing! My husband is vegetarian, but of the veggie burgers and grilled cheese variety. I am trying to expand his food universe and I think this may do the trick!
Thanks for this great recipe idea! I don't like mayo and I always feel like chicken salad without it just isn't chicken salad but this is right up my alley 🙂 I'm not a fan of celery and didn't have any so I substituted with red onion and some cranberries (for that extra crunch and flavor) and it turned out awesome.
sorry to disagree but....my boyfriend spat this out when I made it for brunch. I followed the recipe exactly but apparently the blue cheese and mayo together is rather overwhelmingly pungent.
Sorry to hear! I can imagine the flavor combo wouldn't be for everyone.
I am not a fan of blue cheese...think this would work with feta or without cheese at all? I've never had a dish like this so I can't really imagine what it will taste like wth or without the feta!
Hmm- feta might work. The blue cheese is definitely one of the main flavors but I imagine feta could work. If you try it- let me know!
I made this salad this week and oh my-- so, so, so good! I used chopped raw pecans instead of sunflower seeds and all the flavors together were delicious. I had some last night for supper and wrapped some in a lettuce wrap. Definitely making this again. Love your site. Thank you.
Thank you for your honesty in this post! I am an aspiring food blogger and feel so overwhelmed right now. Learning my new camera, understanding Lightroom and actually creating decent content! But, the words you shared above just shifted my attitude from "I can't do this." to "I am excited to start this new adventure!". Thank you for that. PS. Huge fan of your blog! : )
I LOVE this recipe. I make it often and keep it in the fridge for lunches, a snack, whatever. I prefer to just eat mine with a fork, without bread, as it stands alone great. The best!
★★★★★
So glad you pushed through that feeling to share an amazing sandwich! Can't wait to try it!!
'Comparison is the thief of joy'. Don't look back! Love your blog, it inspires me to cook!! Looking forward to trying this recipe, looks yummy ?